Doggy Style!

I swear, I don't know what I would do without Dog Ate My Finances. It's just so... bad. More gold from the money canine herself.

If we all get together, can we kick her off the internet? Or maybe just stop her from having a blog? If I could, I would.

The house sold, we think, so this might be moot, but I tried to get a mortgage. Actually, I just tried to get pre-approval for a measly 200K.

Yeah! A "measly" 200 grand! That's chump change for dog! She could buy and sell your candy ass! She's got 50 bazillion dollars in the bank! Her left ass cheek is worth more than you ever would be!

According to her site, she has a net worth of $124,000. Apparently she worked hard to save up that much. And yet an amount that is 61% more than that is "measly"?

The only thing measly is Dog's IQ. But please, continue. This amuses me.

Talking to the first two agents was like talking to a monkey with a teleprompter.

Oh Dog, you're so funny! It's like a monkey, with a teleprompter! Hold on, I'm gonna need a minute...

Wait a sec. That doesn't even make any fucking sense. That's not funny at all. Besides, am I the only one who sees the irony of Dog making fun of someone's intelligence?

Self-employed businesses have to be open two years, and Senor Dog is technically at 1 yr 8 months. (That's when we made him an LLC.) So, in four months his pumpkin magically turns into a carriage and his income counts.

Okay, first of all, there's reasons for making someone be self employed for 2 years. It has to do with proving the sustainability of the business, making sure you don't shit the bed at it. I'll give sympathy regarding the 1 year 8 month technicality, since that's kinda bullshit.

I would, except Dog is a dirty, god damn lair! This post from FEBRUARY 2008 talks about Senor Dog is thinking about working on his own, while this one in March tells us about Mister Dog's first customers. So he's only really worked on his own for a year and 2 months, which isn't even fucking close to 2 years.

I would kindly now ask you to go fuck yourself.

One tried to shove us into an FHA with our parents co-signing! We show up with 50K in cash and 100K in income, and they shove us in a deadbeat mortgage!

Those fucking bastards! Trying to manipulate the rules so you can qualify for something! What the fuck is wrong with those guys? It sounds to me like they're telling the truth, and you don't want to hear it. The nerve of those teleprompter monkeys.

Admittedly, I don't know what a FHA mortgage is. But from the comments of the post, it doesn't seem that bad. Besides, I think Dog'smain problem with it is the parents having to co-sign.

One told me just to go get a 40K W2 job, then quit it. Nice. So, a 40K job for a few weeks is worth more than Senor Dog's business (and his ongoing contracts!) because it has a W2? Why on earth is a W2 more secure???? Mine sure wasn't.

So for the Canadian readers out there, a W2 job is a regular salaried job, like about 90% of the population has. How is it worth more than Senor Dog's business? Let me count the ways:

1) It's more secure. (remember, 90% of businesses started fail within 3 years)

2) The pay is more consistent.

3) Chances are, you'll keep that job.

4) You're a bitch.

There's something deeply wrong about some lousy W2 job counting for more than Senor Dog's unique skills and his customer list. He has employees for crying out loud! But none of that matters to the mortgage monkeys.

First of all, stop blaming the mortgage brokers. They are just a middle man between you and the bank. It's not their fault. Also, they're not monkeys. I've never met them or anything, but I think it's a safe assumption.

Second, I don't believe Senor Dog has any fucking skills at all. Apparently he's super good at what he does. What is it? What industry is it in? Nobody knows because it isn't fucking true. Stop making shit up.

One said that we were in 1970s lending mode. I'm pretty sure in the 70s they had their brains screwed on to see what a successful entrepreneur looks like.

Your country is in the midst of the greatest credit crisis ever! Don't you think that they might be a little bit nervous lending out large sums of money? Fuck.

And finally, the cherry on top of this sundae of shit:

I honestly think it would be easier to get 200K in credit cards than a 200K mortgage.

FUCK YOU.

Quiet Everyone! Frugal Dad is Dishing Out Advice!

I said shut the hell up! Come on people! Some blogger named Frugal Dad is dishing out gold. And by gold, I mean steaming turds. Let's take a look see.

Don't Be A Self Righteous Frugalist

Is frugalist even a word? Didn't I invent a new term to describe you frugal people? Why yes, I did. Let's go with it, okay frugaldouche?

(Just for shits and giggles, I just did a spellcheck and, according to blogger, frugalist is no more of a word than fartmuffin. This is important, if only for my own amusement)

Have you ever known someone who preached frugality at every turn?

Uh, yeah. How much time you got? There's this fuckhead. And this guy. And this doucher. You want more? No? Okay, good. I was getting a little tired of this exercise anyway.

Maybe I'll give you one more. How about the guy who's blog is called fucking Frugal Dad? I would guess he's either pretty frugal or terrible with naming shit.

They were always eager to tell you how much money they saved, or how much you could have saved, or how frivolous your purchase was? I’ve caught myself being “that guy” sometimes, and it is not a character trait I want to develop.

Sometimes? You write a blog called Frugal Dad. I'd say it's a fuck of a lot more than sometimes.

In many areas of our lives leading by example is the best way to encourage others to follow. Being frugal is no different. One of the quickest ways to turn people off of frugality is to tell them how they should live their lives, and how they should spend their money.

Your name is Frugal Dad! You run a blog dedicated to being frugal! You're the doucher that you're warning people about!

Guess what? When you tell people about being frugal, you automatically become percieved as some sort of frugal asshole. Just like I'm percieved as that angry guy who has a chip on his shoulder, just because I like to make fun of crap using cuss words. It comes with the fucking territory pal.

This is especially true with spouses and children. Here lately I’ve noticed that I have become overly critical of my wife’s purchases, and get too easily upset if my kids want something I think is frivolous.

Maybe I shouldn't be dishing out advice here, mostly because I'm so single that I have hairy palms. I do know one thing about women though. Don't criticize the shit that they buy. She'll reward you with a hummer later. Maybe she'll even let you act out your favorite fantasy where you go to the grocery store and save $7.50 using coupons. Sounds like a sexy time!

Oh, and your kids want frivolous things? That's because they're kids, fucknut.

Instead of telling them that I don’t think they are being frugal, it would be better if I kept my mouth shut, stuck to my own frugal habits, and let them come to that conclusion on their own.

Or you could just do what most parents do- tell your kids to fuck off whenever they want you to buy them crap. Wait, don't literally tell them to fuck off. You get my drift?

However, if parents discuss finances with their children and explain that they live frugal because it makes them better stewards of their money and resources, and do it with a generally positive attitude, then kids will be more likely to adopt the behavior as their own.

Look, I'm all in favor of teaching teens about finance, because they're smart enough at that point to get it. But kids? Hell, when I was 8 I was playing fucking ninja turtles in the park. Anything financial taught to kids beyond the absolute basics is a waste of time. They're kids! Let them have some fun before shit like working and responsibility get in the way.

Now I realize that everyone has their own tolerance for living frugally, and that’s okay–we can all still be friends. Some people like to cut coupons, while others see it as a waste of time. Some people cut their own hair, and others visit high-end salons. Some people skimp on clothing, drive old cars and refuse to eat out, but take an annual cruise. None of these people are necessarily doing anything wrong.

You write a blog called Frugal Dad, and then talk about how it really doesn't matter how frugal people are? Doesn't that make your blog a giant waste of time?

Frugal Dad: You should be frugal.

Nelson: Hmm... no.

Frugal Dad: Shit!

Nelson: Uh, aren't you going to argue with me? Tell me the benefits about being more frugal?

Frugal Dad: Nope. That way I'm a frugal leader.

Nelson: ...kay?

Excuses

I noticed I was getting some hits from a blog called Creating the Perfect Faith, so I went and checked it out. All in all it isn't a bad read and you should probably all spend a couple of minutes there. (even if she does have Dog Ate My Finances on her blogroll)

In a post called *Sigh* Once Again Money is Tight Faith quotes some advice I gave, specifically the part about saving 10% of one's income for long term growth. I maintain that becoming wealthy is really that simple. Faith takes exception to this advice a bit. To quote her:

"And yeah, fundamentally he's right, it doesn't matter as long as you save
10%. He has a point. But the other part of that puzzle is that you have to be
able to live within the remaining 90%, and pay off the debt you've incurred if
you haven't in the past been able to live within that 90%. I HAVE to pay at
least $450 every month because while I was in graduate school I couldn't/didn't
live within my 100%.

In an imaginary world that I currently don't live in, if I did not have to
pay for the "mistakes" of my past then I would most definitely be able to live
very comfortably within 90% of my income.

So, really, the frugality, the meal planning, no-drive days, coupon
clipping, ect isn't just because of an insane obsession - it is to HELP us who
haven't in the past lived within our means find a way to do so."

I read that, and the whole thing just kind of sounds like whining.

Now I don't want to subject Faith to the usual treatment of something I don't agree with because I like her. Unlike the shit I usually make fun of, Faith is neither a dumbass or terrible person. (And besides, she left a great comment on the previous post) I'm not about to give her a free pass or anything, but I just can't submit her to Dog Ate My Finances treatment.

The fact is that, like many others, Faith has several areas in her life she could cut back on if she was serious about saving. She could get rid of her dog. She could find a boyfriend that didn't cost her so much every weekend. She could have not taken a trip to San Diego or gotten laser hair removal.

I'm not seriously suggesting that she do the things I told her to. I'm sure she loves her dog and she should keep him. But at what point do you make the decision to cut back? Do you skip this year's holiday? Do you eat ramen noodles all the time? Where's the line? You have to draw it somewhere.

This next part is important, so I'll put it in capital letters and bold it:

IF YOU'RE SERIOUS ABOUT BECOMING WEALTHY, THEN YOU'LL FIND THE WAY TO SAVE EVERY MONTH. IF YOU'RE NOT, THEN YOU AREN'T SERIOUS ABOUT IT.

I didn't get a car until I was almost 24. You know why? Cause I was serious about being rich.

I'm not saying you're a bad person if you're not making those types of decisions. And if your goals are different than mine, then I wish you luck. But you cannot say that you're serious about building wealth and then make decisions that give a giant middle finger to that goal.

If you're serious about any goal, then excuses don't get in your way. No matter what you do in life, excuses can prevent you from reaching your goals.

Want to go to school? It's expensive, you might not graduate and you're probably going to have to move.

Want to switch jobs? The economy is the shits, stupid. There's no guarantee the next job is going to be better.

Blah, blah, blah. At the end of the day, excuses are just bullshit we tell ourselves to justify why we don't do things that are hard. They really have no power on us unless we let them.

Question:

If you were just laid off and starting to live more much more frugally, wouldn't the last thing you do is pay money to go to the gym?

Just when I thought Dog Ate My Finances was off the hook, more gold!

That is all.