Rick Santelli is THE MAN!

For me, Rick Santelli was just some guy who happened to be a reporter covering the Chicago Mercantile Exchange's trading floor for CNBC. Turns out that in secret, he's actually the man, repeatedly just fucking nailing shit. Check out this gold:

The first video is Santelli's thoughts on the recent mortgage bailout.



This one's probably my favorite. Rick attacks Jim Cramer, exposing him as the lying douchebag we all know and hate.



This last one's not as good as the first two, but still entertaining.



Just found another one! Be patient, it gets really good about 2:15 in.



Even if you hate Santelli, you have to admit he's at least a little awesome.

Making fun of Your comments!

Yes, even you can make it into this post Canadian Socialist!

Rather than making fun of morons trying to pass themselves off as financial experts, (stay tuned for that though!) I've decided to instead bite the hand that feeds me and make fun of my readers. Cause I love you guys! Except not really.

The first comment is by everyone's favorite guy, Anonymous:

Great call on KFS. Did Benj inspire this call?

First of all, there sure seem to be a lot of people on the interweb who are named Anonymous, yet I never seem to meet anyone by that name. Maybe you could explain that one to me, Mr. Anonymous. Or do you prefer child molester?

Look, sometimes I get shit wrong. It comes with the territory when you put your fucking predictions out there for everyone to see. Where the fuck is your prediction? Where the fuck is your name? At least Canadian Socialist came up with some alter ego, something better then fucking anonymous.

And sure, you can look at other shit I've gotten wrong too. I've gotten my ass handed to me on Citigroup, and Intertape Polymer is shitting the bed too. I challenge you to find anyone who's gotten any stock pick right in this market.

Let's move onto something I've gotten right.

I wrote a post about shorting the 30 year bond in which I fucking nailed it, since I'm the man! Another anonymous asks:

why not talk about it again, i am hearing people say you can make bill gates money with this thing

I would talk about it again, but there's really nothing else to say. I still think it's a decent, lower risk strategy (yes, even with the leverage). Long term treasury yields are beginning to return to normal and should keep going up once the economy recovers and inflation becomes a problem.

As for making Bill Gates money, well, I think that might be a shade optimistic.

By the way first anonymous, I'm up a little bit on that one, while the market has been decimated. Take that.

And finally, onto my favorite commenter ever, your pal and mine, Canadian Socialist!

Hey Commie,

Damn Iggy ruined it all. I know you must be distraught as well. Well, at least in the near future we'll have the talented Adam Giambrone taking over the reins and we'll be a force once again.

Don't despair, we'll find our way.

Sincerely,

Canadian Socialist

P.S. With all that infrastructure money to work with, Giambrone will prove his worth and cement the Prime Minister position. Harper's waterloo indeed!

First of all, I like how he calls me Commie while the title of this blog is NO Communism.

I have to admit, I had no fucking clue who Adam Giambrone is. It turns out he's a young NDP member who has a bright future ahead of him in politics, and who Canadian Socialist has a very big man crush on. No word on if he's gay, but I bet Canadian Socialist is holding out hope!

As for the coalition, I was kinda pushing for them to pull it off. It woulda made shit interesting. Instead they fucked it up. Nice job on that guys.

Oh Canadian Socialist, keep the comments coming! Same thing to the rest of you.

An Open Letter To Benj Gallander

Hey, Benj:

It's your old pal Nelly here. Just wanted to thank you for this:

And even more, I want to thank you for this:

If we ever meet and I have a boner, I hope you'll understand.

(Only someone as nerdy as me would get excited about an autographed book by somebody that nobody's heard of)

A one line post on Doritos

This is a pretty cool idea, until you realize the same old flavor is inside.

Rich Dad Poor Dad Retarded Dad

Yeah, I haven't posted in a while. No time to talk about it. Robert Kiyosaki is spinning out pure gold again.

So my advice is, be very careful whom you take financial advice from -- and that includes me. My guidance, after all, does not work for 80 percent of the people.

I'd argue that a) your guidance doesn't work for 100 percent of people and b) that you actually offer very little guidance. I'd classify it more as, oh, I don't know... shit?

My suggestions are not right for those who work for a paycheck or for commissions, nor do they work for those who save money in the bank or a retirement account.

You don't save money in a bank? Where do you save it then? Robert totally gets bonus points if he keeps it in a sack with a dollar sign on it.

Also, apparently Robert's advice is only applicable to self employed people. According to this Business Week article, the percentage of self employment has pretty consistently been between 9 and 10 percent of the U.S. population. So I'm not sure about the other 10 percent of people. Maybe Robert's advice is applicable to hobos too.

By the way Robert, commissioned sales people are treated exactly the same as self employed when they apply for a mortgage or when they do their taxes. But they're different somehow.

My advice is for people who are entrepreneurs or professional investors. I have had a "real" job for only four years of my life, which means I only collected a traditional paycheck for that very short period of time. I do not have a retirement account. If my businesses or my investments are not profitable, then I don't eat. And I like to eat.

Hi, I'm Robert Kiyosaki. I write a series of articles for Yahoo's personal finance site. For 90 percent of you, these will not apply in any way. Why do I continue to write these? Cause Yahoo pays me, fuckers!

Also, ha ha! Robert Kiyosaki is fat!

I chose to live my life this way because this financial lifestyle keeps me honest.

No. I call horseshit. You are an entrepreneur because you are good at that kind of thing and it happens to make you lots of money. Owning your own business gives you the freedom to do whatever you want, whenever you want. It does not "keep you honest". Whatever the fuck that means.

It also keeps me wary and very suspicious of financial experts who offer inane advice.

You write a personal finance column for one of the largest finance websites on the web! The way you find your column is to visit yahoo.com/finance and then click on the link that says EXPERTS. You are billing yourself as a financial expert. Should we listen to you or not?!?!?!?

I think my head is about to explode.

I personally cannot live on such advice.

I guess that's a no then.

Robert Kiyosaki: You should listen to me. You shouldn't listen to financial experts. I am a financial expert. You should listen to me.

I don't live in some fairytale world with the hope that the markets will right themselves in five years. I don't keep putting money into a losing venture such as a retirement plan filled with stocks, bonds, and mutual funds.

Once again Robert, we've been over this. Over time, the market will go up. Investments in the market will go up. Besides, where's your alternative strategy? You tell us that investing in the market is for suckers, but offer nothing more than telling people to start their own business.

My questions to financial journalists and others who are doling out poor counsel: "What if your advice is wrong in five years? What happens if the markets don't come back? What happens if the markets just stay flat or crash even further?

Since we're in a question asking mood Robert, why don't you answer some of mine before I answer yours. Ready? Great.

1. Why don't you offer real advice, rather than crap about starting a business?

2. Do you realize how hypocritical it is for you to be bashing so called "financial experts"?

3. Can I have an autographed copy of Rich Dad Poor Dad? I'm a big fan.

Now to your questions. Long term, the market will go up. And if the markets fall even further, then you should take advantage of it to buy more. You'll thank me later. And if you need the money in the next 5 years, you shouldn't be in the market.

This next part is just too awesome.

What happens if the markets recover and then crash when the person following your advice is in their late eighties?"

Hey, Robert, come close. I'm going to tell you a little secret:

Even the stupidest of financial TV pundits will tell you that Grandma's portfolio shouldn't be in the market. By even suggesting that financial commentators are that stupid you lose any credibility you might have had left. Not that there's much.

Fuck me. Yahoo pays this guy?

My advice for those seeking financial advice: Look for investments that pay you monthly or quarterly, regardless of whether the markets are up or down or whether the economy is expanding or contracting.

Uh, wouldn't that be portfolio consisting entirely of bonds? The very same bonds that you told us about 4 minutes ago to not invest in?

Or maybe you could be referring to a basket of dividend paying stocks? Nope, can't buy that either.

Oh Robert, what should I put my money in? Should I buy every copy of your book? Should I go with the dollar sign sack? Should I just give it to hookers? Give me an answer, oh glorious one!

I learned my investment philosophy at the age of nine by playing Monopoly.

Holy fuck! I... um... well... the thing is... um.... holy fuck!

Robert, best to just keep quiet about this, no?

Also, I thought you learned your investment philosophy from your rich dad.

In the game, if I had one green house, I was paid $8. If I had two green houses, then I was paid $16

Uh, this is wrong. There is actually no situation where you're paid $8 rent for a property with one house on it and $16 for two houses. Check it out if you don't believe me.

This dipshit can't even get Monopoly right. But he's a financial expert.

There's more. But I just can't. This is the financial equivalent of drowning a puppy.