What Do Trolls Eat?

Probably angry chicken.

I promised, so I'll deliver. Turns out Dog doesn't like people who don't like her very much.

I kinda figured this post was coming. Dog's commenters have been extra awesome lately, (especially Howard!) and we all knew Dog wouldn't just take it lying down. So here we go!

I usually try not to feed the trolls

(Ralph Wiggum voice) Trolls live under a bridge!

but I feel like I have to because they've been really bad lately. Published or not.

This is the closest thing I'm going to get to a shout out from Dog. I guess I better take it. Thanks Dog! Want to hang out this weekend?

Maybe it's my new job where I spend every ounce of emotional energy dealing with real problems, you know, the kind of stuff that makes this whole blog seem like little stuff.

You notice that no matter which job Dog has, it kicks ass? At her previous job, she made shit tones of money. At this one, what she does is super important. I just thought of a question:

How does Dog go from an accounting job to, like, counselling crack heads? Those aren't really compatible career paths. Apparently Dog's job is the only one that deals with real problems. Take that, fucking Obama!

So when I see some a-hole

Just say asshole. We're all adults here.

Actually, just say "that guy from No Communism". People are well aware of my assholish tendencies.

attacking me just to make me feel bad (or them feel better?), I don't get it.

Dog, listen closely, because I'm only going to say this one more time:

We don't attack you because we have nothing better to do, or to make ourselves feel better, or even because we're angry because we haven't been laid in a while. The reason for the attacks is because you are a whiny, stuck up, annoying bitch. We all think you're a terrible person.

I'm sure we all have people in real life that we'd like to say mean things to, but we don't because we're pussies. So we say it semi-anonymously on the internet. I'd agree that perhaps this isn't the best thing, but, frankly, it kind of comes with the fucking territory.

I understood the haters in the past, when I was some sort of hot shot to envy and hate or whatever

This is exactly why people hate Dog! She labels herself as a hot shot. Seriously, who the fuck does that?

She's so awesome that people hate her because she's so awesome. For those of you out there who are a little slow, that makes her pretty fucking awesome.

Apparently she's kind of a big deal.

But now, well, with my job, our luck in house-hunting, and my brother, it's not exactly like it used to be.

The sheer speed that she goes from being stuck up to the woe is me bullshit is staggering. If they were two sides of a tennis match, you'd fuck your neck up good watching it. And afterwards, Serena Williams would threaten to stuff the ball down your throat. (Almost topical!)

In my new job, I feel like the last thing I need to do is attract negative energy. It just feels like a stupid waste of time. If that's what blogging is, well, I don't know. So, trolls, WTF?

Negative energy? You think the blog is attracting negative energy, or Dog's bitchy self centered attitude?

Did I see a hint there that Dog is going to quit blogging? On the one hand, that would be pretty fucking awesome and pretty much the pinnacle of my entire life. On the other hand, where would I get material from? All the Simple Dollar ever talks about anymore is cooking.

Speaking of the Simple Douche, I should probably make fun of that guy again.

So Dog, here's the deal. When somebody writes posts calling people idiots, they can't really complain when someone does it back to them. So kindly shut the fuck up.