Doggy Style!

I swear, I don't know what I would do without Dog Ate My Finances. It's just so... bad. More gold from the money canine herself.

If we all get together, can we kick her off the internet? Or maybe just stop her from having a blog? If I could, I would.

The house sold, we think, so this might be moot, but I tried to get a mortgage. Actually, I just tried to get pre-approval for a measly 200K.

Yeah! A "measly" 200 grand! That's chump change for dog! She could buy and sell your candy ass! She's got 50 bazillion dollars in the bank! Her left ass cheek is worth more than you ever would be!

According to her site, she has a net worth of $124,000. Apparently she worked hard to save up that much. And yet an amount that is 61% more than that is "measly"?

The only thing measly is Dog's IQ. But please, continue. This amuses me.

Talking to the first two agents was like talking to a monkey with a teleprompter.

Oh Dog, you're so funny! It's like a monkey, with a teleprompter! Hold on, I'm gonna need a minute...

Wait a sec. That doesn't even make any fucking sense. That's not funny at all. Besides, am I the only one who sees the irony of Dog making fun of someone's intelligence?

Self-employed businesses have to be open two years, and Senor Dog is technically at 1 yr 8 months. (That's when we made him an LLC.) So, in four months his pumpkin magically turns into a carriage and his income counts.

Okay, first of all, there's reasons for making someone be self employed for 2 years. It has to do with proving the sustainability of the business, making sure you don't shit the bed at it. I'll give sympathy regarding the 1 year 8 month technicality, since that's kinda bullshit.

I would, except Dog is a dirty, god damn lair! This post from FEBRUARY 2008 talks about Senor Dog is thinking about working on his own, while this one in March tells us about Mister Dog's first customers. So he's only really worked on his own for a year and 2 months, which isn't even fucking close to 2 years.

I would kindly now ask you to go fuck yourself.

One tried to shove us into an FHA with our parents co-signing! We show up with 50K in cash and 100K in income, and they shove us in a deadbeat mortgage!

Those fucking bastards! Trying to manipulate the rules so you can qualify for something! What the fuck is wrong with those guys? It sounds to me like they're telling the truth, and you don't want to hear it. The nerve of those teleprompter monkeys.

Admittedly, I don't know what a FHA mortgage is. But from the comments of the post, it doesn't seem that bad. Besides, I think Dog'smain problem with it is the parents having to co-sign.

One told me just to go get a 40K W2 job, then quit it. Nice. So, a 40K job for a few weeks is worth more than Senor Dog's business (and his ongoing contracts!) because it has a W2? Why on earth is a W2 more secure???? Mine sure wasn't.

So for the Canadian readers out there, a W2 job is a regular salaried job, like about 90% of the population has. How is it worth more than Senor Dog's business? Let me count the ways:

1) It's more secure. (remember, 90% of businesses started fail within 3 years)

2) The pay is more consistent.

3) Chances are, you'll keep that job.

4) You're a bitch.

There's something deeply wrong about some lousy W2 job counting for more than Senor Dog's unique skills and his customer list. He has employees for crying out loud! But none of that matters to the mortgage monkeys.

First of all, stop blaming the mortgage brokers. They are just a middle man between you and the bank. It's not their fault. Also, they're not monkeys. I've never met them or anything, but I think it's a safe assumption.

Second, I don't believe Senor Dog has any fucking skills at all. Apparently he's super good at what he does. What is it? What industry is it in? Nobody knows because it isn't fucking true. Stop making shit up.

One said that we were in 1970s lending mode. I'm pretty sure in the 70s they had their brains screwed on to see what a successful entrepreneur looks like.

Your country is in the midst of the greatest credit crisis ever! Don't you think that they might be a little bit nervous lending out large sums of money? Fuck.

And finally, the cherry on top of this sundae of shit:

I honestly think it would be easier to get 200K in credit cards than a 200K mortgage.

FUCK YOU.