Post # 1,492,583- The Relatively Short Goodbye

After 7 years and approximately 1.5 million posts, (I'll have to check the numbers on that, but it's pretty close) I've decided to call it quits. My blogging career at No Communism is, as of now, over.

One of No Communism's original readers, SS, left this comment on yesterday's post:

Haven't read your blogs in months and was disappointed upon coming across it. You sound like an intelligent guy, and I originally liked your snarky and sarcastic attitude... and heck we both love Benj (in a brotherly way).

But I think you've lost your way. You are busy burning ants on the sidewalk and not really producing anything of real value. Getting into hissy fights with other bloggers is fun for a blog or two, after that, well, your blog became no better than those you are mocking.

It would be nice to see a return of some insights and thoughts on stocks, Benj, real estate, and the world.

He brings up an interesting point: how long can one make fun of personal finance blogs and still have it interesting and funny? Recently I've felt like I'm only repeating myself, over and over again. I mean, how many times can I call Dog a bitch and still have it be funny?

This blog was actually started when an ex-girlfriend dumped me. Maybe that's where all the rage came from. I had time on my hands, so I figured I'd do something with it. And to create a little controversy, I decided to go after blogs who published ideas I disagreed with. That morphed into becoming the authority of PF blog mocking. And even though I have basically no readers, I was proud of that. The PF blogosphere needs somebody to keep it honest. That role won't just be mine anymore.

Don't worry kids, ol' Nelly will probably be back blogging soon. This time, it'll probably be a little more, shall we say, PG-13 in tone. And it'll probably be a lot like this blog was when it was first created. The snarkiness will still be alive, it'll just be accompanied by far less cuss words. It'll be fun for you guys: try to find my new blog. The winner gets... nothing at all.

So that's it. It's been a fun ride. As they say, all good things must come to an end... Dog Ate My Finances will be around forever.

Apparently I'm A Woman Beater

I'm even more pissed off than usual.

Okay, so Dog has been extra whiny lately. First she decided to take a break from blogging, apparently because a full 94% of her readers hate her. Obviously, this made me a little hard in the pants.

The break lasted all of like a minute and a half, because Dog is back, baby! And she's pissed! Why is she so angry? Was she forced to be nice to someone? Did she get fired, again? Is she pissed off at some Realtor from 1996? You people aren't even close. It turns out that people who disagree with Dog are like wife beaters.

So yeah. Turns out that I beat up women through the internet somehow. I'm so bad!

Obviously I can't take this lying down.

I work at a women's non-profit. That means I work with a lot of battered women. It's not all I do, but it's enough.

Hey! A glimpse into what Dog actually does!

Again, I pose the question how someone goes from working at some sort of accounting/finance job to counselling battered women. Those aren't really compatible skill sets.

They warned me that it would only be a matter of time until a woman would get killed on my watch. Anyone who has ever worked with/known/helped a battered woman knows why. You just can't help them unless they want to be helped, and sometimes it feels like they are just trying to get themselves killed.

I thought I had helped this woman. I knew the situation wasn't perfect, but I thought I had helped her and that things would get better. She was even a nurse who made all the money, and was a con who sat at home controlling her and spending her money.

Well, she went back. She loves him, and I don't know him. Now she is in the hospital, and the kids are in foster care.

Touching story. Brought a tear to my eye. What exactly is the point?

Sometimes I wonder if this is my relationship with this blog.

Dog's blog beats her up? It turns out that even her blog hates her. Are we really surprised?

Insecure loser trolls are not worth my time. (I'm looking at you Henry and Nelson!)

Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Finally, a shout out on Dog Ate My Finances!

OMG! OMG YOU GUYS!

Hold on.

She called me a loser. But... but... that's not true, is it?

Guys?

GUYS!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

(Cries) Dog isn't the only one with feelings!

It's always men with nothing going on with their lives.

Oh, the insults keep flying!

First of all, Dog hosts an anonymous blog, and so do I. Hell, 97% of all personal finance blogs are anonymous. It kind of comes with the territory. Generally people talk about money, which is kind of a personal subject.

Here's the thing about an anonymous blog: You can make up any shit you want. You can brag about how much money you "have". You can talk about how your husband put "a half a dozen baby boomers out of business", yet only nets like 85k per year, even though those numbers make absolutely no sense. So, Dog, when you, coming from anonymity, make fun of someone for having nothing going on, you kind of lose all credibility. Not that she had much in the first place.

I could tell you guys that I have lunch with Bill Gates every week, that I have a 145 IQ, that I nail Hayden Panettiere on a regular basis and that Sarah Palin and Jon Stewart are secretly having an affair. But since it's coming from a anonymous blogger blog, I would hope that you wouldn't take it very seriously. So why should we believe anything we read on Dog Ate My Finances? And why is she taking herself so seriously?

Also, I publish like every two weeks. Dog publishes basically daily. Maybe that would cause one to think, just for a second, that I have more going on than Dog does.

You know what, these men are garbage.

I am a bad person because I disagree with Dog. That makes complete sense.

And yet, I empower them for some reason or want their approval or something. Why?

I'm not sure Dog actually reads what I say about her. I mean, anyone with even a few neurons firing up there understands why I hate her, right?

Fuck.

Here's the best part:

Batterers are a worthless waste of oxygen. They are truly evil men. They live to destroy, to tear women down. They try to control women with money, with time, with all their relationships. They just want to bring her down to make them feel like they are worth something. You know what, that's what these trolls are.

I am a wife beater! No wonder why I can't get laid.

I love how seriously Dog is taking herself here. This whole exercise is basically the internet equivalent to throwing shit against a wall. Dog anonymously posts crap, I make fun of that crap using cuss words, Dog bitches about it, and then the cycle repeats itself. It's like a perpetual motion machine of crap.

We're hardly curing fucking cancer here people.

I'm just not going to take it anymore. Maybe I'll just delete it. Maybe I'll require a Blogger account.

If Dog can't handle criticism from the internet, then the real world must be kicking her ass. She's probably curled up in the fetal position and weeping right now.

The fact that Dog can't handle being insulted is awesome. If you take out the excess cuss words, Dog's tone is no better than mine. She called her Realtor an idiot, her mortgage broker a monkey, basically all of her relatives assholes for not getting her suitable wedding presents, among many, many other things. Yet when someone insults her, they get compared to a wife beater.

It's a big Internet.

Filled with porn!

If you don't like me, don't read it. It's my blog, and I'll publish what I want, and that includes your trash comments.

You notice that's always the argument for criticism? You don't like me? Then don't read me! But, whatever you do, please don't disagree with me.

It's really not that hard. Get a life.

Since that's not happening anytime soon, looks like we're stuck with what we have. See you next time Dog!

Homestyle Cajun Dumbassedness

Yes, I realize dumbassedness isn't a word, so don't even go there.

My buddy at the Canadian Personal Finance Blog is back, and not a moment too soon. I sure do love his Cajun Man name, probably because we all dream of being named after a spice. It turns out that back in like May, I had this post three quarters done and didn't bother to finish, giving you a lesson that's already been learnt about my work ethic. How do I not starve? Great question.

Anyhoo, besides all the other stuff he hates, he also doesn't care for credit cards.

Jim Flaherty’s new credit card rules seem to be a very good start, but I would dearly love to see them go a little farther. The Globe and Mail does a good outline of what the new rules does address, but my concern is the major problem is still not being addressed, which is the exorbitant interest rates allowed.

For those of you too lazy to see what the changes are, basically the credit card companies have to do a better job disclosing things like interest rates. They also can't raise your credit limit without you asking them to.

The major problem of exorbitant rates? Credit card companies make unsecured loans to basically any shithead who wants one, for potentially thousands of dollars. This is, in it's very nature, a risky business. And apparently companies shouldn't be compensated for this extra risk.

The rates that Credit Cards charge as regular business while cheaper than seen from the Pay Day Loan world are still completely out of sync with bank rates, yet, they are allowed to inflict this kind of usury on consumers.

Comparing bank rates to credit card rates is pretty fucking stupid. Bank rates are charged on loans that have some sort of security attached (a house, car, etc.) while a credit card is used to buy booze and smokes. The reason people have to pay more interest is because they are riskier loans. The same fucking premise applies to payday loans. Fuck dude, that's pretty simple economics.

If the Cajundouche was in charge, the following things would be banned, simply because they're not good for us:

1) Credit cards

2) Cheeseburgers

3) Internet porn

4) Beer

5) Smokes

6) Condoms

7) Strippers

8) Tap water(or bottled water, whichever is worse)

9) Everything else in the entire world

Things he wouldn't ban:

1) Teddy bears

2) Unicorns

There are no rules capping the rates that can be charged, and I think that is what is missing from this legislation. I am not sure what the cap should be, but allowing unfettered rate increases is asking for trouble.

Actually there is a rule capping what interest rates can be. Sure, it's a pretty high number, but it does exist.

Also, I enjoy how this is his solution. We should cap rates. Where? Fucked if I know. I'm the idea man. I shouldn't have to follow through.

Better rules for credit limits would be good as well, stopping folks from being able to bump up their limit via a simple phone call seems a dangerous practice as well.

Rather than address this specific question, I'll ask a more rhetorical question: Where should we draw the line for protecting people against their own stupidity? When used right, a credit card can offer a consumer more convenience, a way to easier track purchases, plus cash back at the end of the year.

When people consume too much alcohol, they turn into blubbering idiots who do stupid things (including sleeping with me!). When people eat too many cheeseburgers, they turn into big fat fucks, also kinda like me.

Now I'm sad. :(

I just had a cheeseburger. I'm good.

While I know the other issue with credit card debt is that people are using Credit Cards as short term credit mechanisms (and then turning them into long term credit vehicles, since they can’t extricate themselves from the debt), and that a lot of the financial pits dug by consumers are self-inflicted, I think the Credit Card companies make this trap a little too easy to fall into.

Wow. Let's just put a big ol' [sic] after that sentence and move on.

There was one credit card lobbyist complaining about how teenagers and young folks won’t be able to get credit cards if new rules are put in place.

See, if you take away the ability for guys like me to literally buy a woman's affection, then we have NOTHING LEFT. What am I supposed to do? Huh? Fall back on my looks or my charming personality?

So, yeah. You'll have to live with that on your conscience.

Oh, also, read the comments. Yours truly left a zinger!

Holy Shit! Don't Go To Frugal Dad's House

I'm just lazing around tonight, listening to music, reading bad personal finance blogs and having Hilary Duff suck me off, when I stumbled upon some awesomeness from Frugal Dad. You know, a pretty normal night for me.

I'm not even talking about the usual frugal bullshit that he spouts. It starts off pretty tame, then goes to a new level of crazy from there. From his post on December 16th about cheap home security:

1. Get a dog.

Dogs are not cheap. Ever taken one of those fuckers to the vet?

2. Avoid putting large boxes by the street around the holidays

Again, kind of stupid. If you live in a big fucking house, then the boxes you put out in front of your nice house won't really matter.

There's a couple other obvious tips there, and then number 5:

5. Get a gun

Yessssss!

Frugal Dad is packing heat motherfuckers!

You don't want to be frugal? Too fucking bad! He'll fuck you up!

I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize for all the jokes I've said at Frugal Dad's expense. You know I'm just kidding around, right pal?

Right?

Shit. Do you guys think Frugal Dad knows where I live?

(Oh and P.S., somebody should tell all of Frugal Dad's commenters that having a gun in the house isn't really all that unsafe. )

(P.S #2- It turns out that someone was so mad about the gun thing that they're not reading Frugal Dad anymore. So take that.)

Hint: It's near the bottom, past the part about Nordic people being awesome, or something. That's pretty retarded that a personal finance blog talks about shit like that)

The Simple Douche Needs To Learn How To Count

Hey idiots!

Yeah, I'm talking to you, dumbass!

How'd you like to learn EVERYTHING you ever needed to know about personal finance, with it all being on one page? That'd be pretty tits, right? Of course it would. Idiot.

What are you waiting for then? Go here and check it out. Download it. Rub off a couple times while reading it. We all understand.

Even an idiot like you can figure it out. It's called "Everything you ever needed to know about personal finance on just one page". Even some of the morons I've made fun of on here can figure it out.

Hey, wait a sec. Why is it 49 pages? Wouldn't the title lead one to believe something different...

Dumbass.

***

Okay, I just got done reading the thing. And holy shit. You know when newspapers print little kids' stories and shit so the kids can have that little bit of glory before uncle Charlie touching them fucks them up completely? This pile of shit is kinda like that.

Some snippets of his great advice:

Never show up to work looking like you just rolled out of bed. Take a shower, wear clean clothes, use deodorant, brush your teeth, and do your best to look presentable.

For Christ's sake people. Brush your fucking teeth.

This is groundbreaking stuff. Pay attention.

Donʼt “backstab” anyone. Along those same lines, youʼll have many opportunities to “sell out” others in the workplace. Avoid it at all costs.

I just enjoyed the use of the quotes in this sentence.

Trent buddy, here's how you use quotes.

Trent should avoid putting out "great" e-books that are "well titled" and "useful".

See what I did there frugal douche?

I can go on, but I'm bored. If you want 100 tips on how to spend less money, then he's got you covered. Now if only he'd follow it up with 100 tips on things to throw at frugal douches, we'd be set.